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I keep my best friend in my lungs. At some points she engulfs them, pushing out and taking in every breath for me. It might freak her out knowing that, but it’s true. 


I used to feel really lonely. I could come up with a way to make that more poetic, but it wasn’t pretty; at all. I made myself miserable. I convinced myself that no one really liked me, that I would write my will and not have a person that stuck out to me that wasn’t family, you know, the typical,


“I’m not anyone’s ‘person’.”


I had friends that were once my ‘best friend.’ But those friends found people that understood them, that saw them for who they were and chose to stay. In comparison to me, who had let time make that choice for her. 


And I know, trust me I know, “You don’t just have to have one best-friend, you can have a whole ton.” But I don’t think I’m wired that way. Honestly, I think I’m desperate. I think I want to feel like I matter, like I’m the only one that can fill that gap up, you know, like I’m… irreplaceable. I mean who doesn’t! Truly, who doesn’t want to have a person.


I have good friends, I have friends I would take a bullet for, I have a boyfriend who knows me in a way most people don’t, I have a brother who’s known me since birth, but then I have Karla.


Karla, who truly knows me. 


It’s weird, I can’t put my finger on why it’s different for her. 


On why I feel like she sees me in a way most people don’t; understands in a way most people don’t. 


I’m not the best. I’m not always very funny, I’m not always very happy, I’m not always the best roommate, hell I’m not always the best friend, sometimes I can really really really suck; and yet, she’s kind to me, always. Even when I was willing to thrown in the towel, she was kind.


Every day she shows me kindness, and grace, and love. 


There was a point in my life where I didn’t think I’d even make it past 16. I feel for that girl, because a big part of that is that she felt alone, she felt that everyone had been chosen except her, and that it would always be that way; and now here we are. 


It’s cheesy, and repetitive, but I’d choose her every time. In every universe, at any age, anywhere, I’d choose her. I can’t bear at the thought of disappointing her. I can’t imagine my future without her there. I’m scared shitless when the time comes for us to not share a city, let alone a state. 


I can’t even think of her as my sister, even that feels like an injustice to what she means to me. She truly is my best friend, to the point where even if she didn’t think the same, I wouldn’t care. 


I love her. My love for her isn’t measured on how much she loves me, it’s just there. 


It’s always been there, waiting for her.